September 24, 2017

I am guessing of how they would perceive the world from there.

the world that appeared lost for me, the first time I got in.

kilometers away from world's rush.

I wasn't ready to let go off my comfort zone living between amenities. I was laying my self with thousands barriers, not willing to hail. And now it was an enchanted memory I want to brag.

People are full of smiles - and I was forced to be so.

People are accepting sincerely - and it was hard to let it go.

With love

Dusun Cinanas, Desa Cinanas

Kecamatan Bantarkawung, Brebes

I used to have a companion in my delusional point of view that no one would never be able to see. It’s not merely a fiction...

She is a girl with curly hairs tied behind her head. A girl who loves to tell me story that may be inside a lonely box at the corner of the street, if I am brave enough to open it, I would find a breathless woman laid suspiciously. But then it always ended we were the one who run breathlessly, away of that mystery box. She doesn’t have a name and I didn’t give her one either.

But lately she’s nowhere to be found. Usually she would appear and whisper that she had been hiding from my friends.

The last time we had an intimate conversation, she replied my long grouches with brimming eyes, 

“Hang in there... for a little bit more.”

Of all people in this world, she has been the only one wanted to believe me. Of all loneliness embracing spaces between nights and days, she has been the only one who fill my heart chambers. Of all the winning and losing I have gone through, she has been the one who congratulate and console me for the first time.

She is the first one knowing I am not comfortable in who am I now. That girl always asked if I am okay? If I need hug? She said everything is going to be fine. She said I am going to be okay.

“Hang in there, just for a little bit more.” That’s how she told me to endure every fall and rise of my days. I’ll just need to wake up and lead the day.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height.

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

by the back sound of Yiruma's What Beautiful Stars.

One must be frustrated when realizing his chest is overflown by the unfamiliar feeling yet breezy, no?

Life is such a tease, only seeing how you smile something inside me is jumping like a frog between rains. Neurotransmitter? Maybe it's such a thing the book said, induced my seventh cranial nerve to move forming a smile, maybe it's such a thing that make my heart feels at ease. I can't describe it further, how my body reacts on that carbonated smile.

Why carbonated?

Just as how it was described, it's fizzy because it contains bubbles that fill up my chest, giving smarting sensation yet banging, making my rise and fall chest hurt because too much carbon dioxide, but addictive.

Dear the owner of the carbonated smile...

You got me.

I don't know what to call this feeling, it could only be a simple admiration...