Diary

ABSURDNESS

22.30



What so great in my July this year? Nothing fun to do, I am completely deflated on my bed. School is just so hard but I have come to realize that having really long days off is just way too much harder. Well, these have been a fantastic months – no classes, no homework, finally after awhile, but yes I seemed quite swallowed by the time.

Wondering what I do all these time? Simply, just sinful days with watching dramas, turning to whale (literally gaining so damn much weights), and all boring things. The  time was sure running too slow.

Anyway, why the weather suddenly grows sync to my heart? Like, suddenly it would turn so bright and damn hot but the other way it would suddenly be so cloudy all the day and the night would full of rain pouring down. Just as labile as me? You know, being bored could just drive anyone to have mood swing.

Speaking of raining, it made me remember the time when I used to look out of the window watching the rain sparked their drops onto my glass window. Just like how poems or songs wrote in lyrics, those moments were just too bloody mellow. I mean, it was the moment when we always think of the bitter part of our past or something regretful that we shouldn’t do since the very first place.

And know what? I hate rain.

My birthday is always on rainy day, when it says that it’s the time already to turn my age, and that’s when the sky turns to sorrow. When I supposed to go out and celebrate outside, I just remained silent in my room, regretting why the rain has to come in super wrong time. That’s too bad.

Ough – why I am feeling rather sad now?

I am hearing to some ballads song, Korean ballad song,
Titled You wouldn’t Answer My Calls by 2AM

And guess what? It’s raining outside.

It is really sad when you listen to the song while watching the music video telling the tragic love story of one who was left by his love. I don’t want to tell further, my absurd sadness will get worse.

Right, it’s a month to go until the first day being varsity student. I will miss the time when I used to wear uniform, well I just finished packing my high school uniform into the box, wearing uniform is kind of fun though, at least I shouldn’t bother on what to wear every day.

Now that I have left the high school time, I regret some part of time when I should have done better than what I did before. There’s nothing I can hope but trying to do a make-up for what I did formerly, I should do better in the future.

Have a nice day and watch your health!

Fighting!

Diary

WAVERING IN THE BEGINNING

22.00

Life is just getting harder on my side. Well, it seems unfair when I said on my side. Practically, because it's impossible to know how yours and others.
I am shaking

I am wavering.

I have arrived here, means that there have been so many things I have passed before. Not one, not only two, I didn’t even think to count.

Final exams, graduating, university application, many uncertainties in both the imminent and distant future, so on and so far.

Well, this piece of meat here wants to share something...

Honestly, I have officially passed the university application, not that hard but definitely enough to make my heart almost dropped by the damn waiting. Frankly, among many people who wanted to be in my position, I could be consider lucky that I didn’t need to do twice force, I even think I haven’t done any forces. But praise the lord – he gave me chance to breathe at least in comfort.

To be said, now I am a med-student. Not so sure, but I wish I can finish and be a wonderful doctor with beautiful heart and yes, as philanthropist.

Happy?

Of course, you don’t need to ask twice, I am infinitely happy. So damn happy. Simply, some people mark their enrollment in university as a new sensation of life.

On my parents behalf I’ll try to do my best. My dad’s, mom’s, families’, and of course my dream finally meet the front gate, one lock was cracked already.

But I would seem stupid if I said I was just happy, cause what? I have mixed feelings of a bit nervous, afraid, uneasy, and what you called that... quite unsure.

Nervous that I don’t know what is waiting me ahead. Afraid because there would be many obstacles that may turn the way, uneasy for making some people disappointed (I am not sure, but I just feel so.).
And quite unsure? The fact is that I still have dreams which keep telling me to come near before anyone would grab it first. This is what makes me quite wavering. This happy thing about being med-student seems blocking some way to the remaining dreams. I am such an unwise right? I am afraid that I would be such a coward and unthankful piece.

Thought that I would only spend my days with books, lab works, or anything, frightens me. Of course as a burning youth, I wouldn’t just stay as a bookworm. I also want to explore and elaborate what I have in mind.
My high-school was used to be hectic with so many stuffs I did. Not within the books or study things. Most of my high school times were killed outside school, instead. For things like championships and training camps, even though mostly ended with empty-handed (without trophies or regretfully cashes).

And as burning youth, I want to do much more challenging stuffs to see if I have any other awesome things inside. But people said being med-student would require us to give out all our times. This is a tough reality.

How should I do? I have committed my self to finish what I have started. I realized that sometimes we just need to sacrifice to gain more, but can’t we do those many happy things all in one time? I mean, I would have no time to get back to present time.

Wish that I can take any certain way to walk on. I want so many things already since the very first of start.

Fighting!