July 18, 2024

Have you ever been in the lowest possible place you could be? That’s where I find myself now. It’s so frustrating that I can’t even muster the strength to peek at what lies outside. Everything around me is in disarray, a chaotic mess that mirrors the turmoil within me. I keep questioning if I will be able to rise above these setbacks. I feel so lost, almost hopeless.

I am scared. I am haunted, by all the dreams I once held so dear, dreams that now seem like so distant, taunting whispers. The confidence I used to carry with me has vanished, leaving a hollow shell in its place. Where can I find it again? How can I dream again, find the courage to start anew?

It feels like the beginning is out of reach. 

To dream ever again, to start a new beginning… It seems impossible, but I have to believe that somewhere within me lies the strength to try.

From the outset, it feels inherently wrong to empathize with June. She is not the typical protagonist; she is flawed, opportunistic, and morally ambiguous. Her journey begins on a dark note as she witnesses the sudden death of her not-quite-best-friend, Athena Liu, and seizes the opportunity to claim Athena's unfinished manuscript as her own. What follows is a whirlwind of success, accusations, and a relentless pursuit of recognition.

June’s lack of guilt and her pride in transforming Athena’s manuscript into a national bestseller is deeply unsettling. Despite numerous accusations of plagiarism, she remains unrepentant, justifying her actions with a twisted sense of entitlement. Athena herself had admitted to drawing from her own traumatic experiences for her writing, suggesting that she, too, was not without flaws. This revelation muddies the moral waters even further, making it difficult to see Athena as a paragon of virtue.

Kuang skillfully portrays June as a product of a society that has conditioned her to be greedy and self-serving. It’s a society that often values fame and wealth over genuine talent and integrity. June's relentless pursuit of the spotlight, her desire to be heard, and her story to be read, reflect a deep-seated need for validation and recognition in a world that constantly undermines those who do not fit the traditional mold.

While it is challenging to admire June as a character, her story serves as a powerful critique of societal and systemic biases. Yellowface forces readers to confront the uncomfortable reality of how minorities are often stigmatized and judged not for their talents or contributions but for their differences. The novel exposes the inherent prejudices that exist within the literary world and beyond, shedding light on the myriad ways in which marginalized voices are silenced or appropriated.

R.F. Kuang's Yellowface is a thought-provoking and disturbing exploration of identity, ambition, and the cost of success. It compels readers to reflect on their own complicity in a system that rewards deceit and punishes difference. Through June's controversial journey, Kuang challenges us to reconsider our perceptions of right and wrong, talent and theft, and ultimately, what it means to truly own a story.

May 8, 2024

Rangka embun yang kokoh-pun tak mampu bersanding dengan sunup. Pasti lekang, hilang, dan meregang pada akhirnya. Apalagi hati yang berasal dari remah-remah hampa dan air mata, sudah pasti pecah.

Hampir tiba musim panas tahun ini, tapi canda-mu di musim gugur bertahun-tahun lalu masih erat bersemi di memori-ku, aku hampir merasa bahwa kau tak pernah benar-benar pergi dan jauh.

Kau yang telah jauh, jika sempat bertandang di sela-sela asterik akhir-akhir ini, lihatkan? Aku baik-baik saja, tapi hanya rindu. Hati ku sedikit repas tapi aku akan tetap keras. Bilamana sesekali ada yang serupa dengan air mata, itu hanya embun, karena akhir-akhir ini malam terasa lebih dingin dari seharusnya. 

Apabila kau benar-benar bisa singgah, walau tak lama, bolehkah aku minta dekap-mu yang hangat? Atau genggam saja tanganku lagi seperti dulu? Jika itu berlebihan, biarkan aku lihat wajahmu saja dari kejauhan. Boleh? Aku rindu menggebu-gebu…

Aku sedang berjibaku dengan hidupku, kini aku sibuk, terkadang masih sulit terpejam saat malam. Bolehkah aku berandai? Jika mungkin kau masih di sini, akankah aku merasa selelah ini? Setidaknya mungkin aku masih punya teman kencan untuk secangkir kopi di hari liburku?

Kalau kau bisa mendengarku, datanglah sesekali ke mimpiku. Ajak aku bercerita, dengarkan keluh kesahku, dan jika tidak terlalu sulit, aku mau pelukan-mu satu kali saja…

“…Peluk aku, sebentar saja

Tak perlu berkata-kata, lari dan raup aku yang hampir lebur…”