Since this is my personal diary, so just get out if you don't want to hear me raging, hollering, or grouching

Listening to Miri Lee's cover of Jessie J's Flashlight, recently like this song too much. I am facing my netbook, slightly depressed.

It's almost a year living my life as a college student, people said I have to grow mature not only older. Some people said they are having the most incredible story during this time, when finally they could break free from home, away from parents and survive on their own. Indeed, it sounded so logical why they said so. Me too, finding this life is so indiscernible now. Why?

I could say I am trapped in a world where people live with their obsession for their future life (whether those who try to pursue their dream becoming a savior of people's life or those who run only for title). I am a complicated girl with too many dreams to pursue, let's say I want to master anything I see people can do. But-- oops! Like I said, I am trapped. 

The bad thing is that, I don't know what I am doing right now. What will I become? What would I able to do later? Those questions, I can't find the answers, yet.

Gosh! I really like studying. Reading books, knowing many things, finding the details, I love that. It shouldn't be hard for me to do what my fellow friends do. Staying in classes, heeding the lecturers, taking notes, those are not that hard because what I am learning now are things that people would be amazed if I tell them, things that people always curious if I don't tell them, things that would make people safe if they know it. 

The hard times come when suddenly there's a voice from the back of my head whispering, "Really, what are you doing right now?"

Simply, all my fellow would answer the exact same thing. 

Sadly, till now, I haven't found the answer. I am not sure of what I am doing.

Indiscernible? Yes.