After the whole ups and downs, going through the uncertainties, finally everything must come to an end.

It's already my third semester studying in medicine. Having a start with wavering heart whether this place fits in me or whether I am deserved to survive here, I am still finding how I have to land on something stable in this college life. 

It's either a good news or maybe a bad news. I have just collected all my courage to attempt enrolling my self onto some kind of laboratory assistant, exactly anatomy. And I have just cried of all disappointment for once again encounter failing in my life.

Honestly, I am not freaked about anatomy. If I would rank the things I like while I am studying medicine, anatomy would not top my preferences. It's not that I hate anatomy, but I felt it harder when I have to stay up awakened putting my focus and all eyes on an atlas, and this is my only excuse, I am not a visual person. Reasonable?

I thought being one of their family members would be a help for me to learn more about anatomy since I found it's hard  to study and struggle alone for it. That's why I challenged my self to grab a responsibility. Why? I believed I would be more motivated to learn and give more efforts in learning anatomy. Being a lab-assistant means I have to master anything more than the ordinary student would, because I have to share and make sure others would understand what I taught and I thought I would be pushed more to learn anatomy harder than before with this kind of responsibility. But, god says no. I am not deserved to be there.

It's so sad and I cried. Recently I have settled my heart to commit here and hundred percents I put my hope onto this thing. 

While I found it's harder learning about anatomy, my other impression is that I found anatomy is fun. And believe or not, one of the reason finally I decided to go ahead enrolling my self is my curiosity. I have my own style for studying anatomy and I could say it wasn't a fail. And I thought I could share how I hardly study to digest any matters in books even if you have to put more times and efforts. 

I felt like I didn't get enough understanding of what actually anatomy is, so far. 

The happy thing is that I have given out what inside my heart, I didn't pretend anything saying I love anatomy so much so that I decided to enroll. I told all my worries and I am relieved now. I thought I have grown more mature. 

I sincerely congratulate for all my fellows who is having a good end. I know it best, you are all deserved to be there. 

I would always reminisce this moment as one of my ground for jumping and running higher than ever. I would not stop looking for answers of all curiosities raising in my head, even if I don't get a chance there, I would still be able to learn outside. I have promised my self to be responsible for choosing to live as medical student and be a sweet doctor for my patients. I would learn harder so I wouldn't misdiagnosed people.

And I would definitely find my stage for my passion to grow. Yes, sharing things with others, being a story teller, being a teacher, are my passion of all passions I have. I hope, I'll still be able to enjoy and find a box for my passion to grow into joy.

Wait for me...