"I can't dance, but once my hands meet their comfort dwelling, my fingers will inevitably jiggle to arrange a beautiful melody of my heart..."

piano

a large musical instrument with a row of black and white keys which are pressed to play notes.

"That's how they describe a beautiful existence called piano, a musical instrument."

music

a pattern of sounds made by musical instruments, singing or computers, or a combination of these, intended to give pleasure to people listening to it.

"I like how they write it, to give pleasure to people listening to it."

Once, a long time ago, I have ever thought of how magical people make music. They gave their hearty emotions, joy, sorrow, wrath, even anxiety. They even can turn the most quizzical feeling into an existence called music.

A long time ago, I dreamed of how exciting to be a pianist, living around with every single melody that comes to mind. When there's no words needed, when there's no one to talk to, a piece of music can relieve the inflexible in the heart, making our own ecstasy. Myriads of elation that no one can reach, that's how I fancied of being a girl in front of the piano.

"But now I have come to realize, I have forgotten that beautiful thing behind, that lyrical thing has only become my childhood dream."

Do you know how happy people meet their passion? Maybe, I couldn't say piano is a passion in my life, but it has been one of my diversion, something that I love to do, something i always long for.

A story of how I met my first love sometimes ago, it was all being witnessed with a song by Nikka Costa that I used to play that time, moments when I realize how happy it was to love someone, it was all recorded with a song entitled Moon River, all the stage of my adolescence, I passed it with different refrain. It was even so stirring how I sang my own birthday song.

Tonight, I try to sit back on my piano stool. Playing a bit of an exquisite song, guess it how it feels? I am happy. It's sole feeling smeared throughout my heart. Why? I am not sure but it's how I can feel. I want to keep playing...

What are you doing on holiday? Going abroad? Reunion? or simply being a couch potato? Well, I practically do nothing, just get up in every morning spending my times mostly for watching movies, dramas, reality shows, reading some books I like, or writing fan-fictions. That's enough for killing the time and now I come with this great drama I am watching currently, well not yet finished.

Title:    Gap Dong-i

Genre: Crime, Mystery, Melodrama, Action, Thriller

This drama was broadcasted on tvN, in 2014. Honestly, I wasn't really interested with the synopsis of the story at first, the reason I downloaded and finally watched this drama was all about the cast. Because there's Lee Joon (acted as Ryu Tae Oh) of MBLAQ and Kim Ji Won (acted as Ma Ji Wol) I watched it and hell, I am more into the story line now than the casts. It's too great for a drama...

Gap Dong-i tells us mainly about a criminal investigations about serial killings based on the real Hwaseong Serial Murders. Those series of serial killing were occurred in Hwaseong, South Korea and murdered ten women with a various ages. This crime is also similar with an unsolved serial killing from English, Jack The Ripper, occurred around White chapel district of London in 1888.

The problematic scene started when finally series of incidents occurred in the town which was suspected as a a comeback of Gap Dong. Many speculations pop of whether this is the same Gap Dong who did the vicious killing years ago or this is just a resemblance.

What makes this drama more interesting is the involvement of various interest of every cast to finish the case. Ha Moo Yeom, a detective who holds a grudge to bust the main suspect of the murder because of his wrongly accused father. Oh Maria, a psychiatrist who had experienced in meeting the real Gap Dong face in face in her childhood. Ryu Tae Oh, a psychopath who considers Gap Dong as his god. Ma Ji Wol, a high-schooler and webtoon artist in which her webtoon ends up foretelling the crime.

Currently in my first holiday with 'varsity-student' status. No books, no lab-work's reports, no pre lab-work's assignment, finally I'll let my brain to enjoy how refreshing it is to breath between rain. But the hell I should be aware is that my final score hasn't outed yet! It's still mystery! It's still a puzzle! And to be true, I am living among uncertainty. Not that it really matters so I can't enjoy my holiday to the fullest yet, but you know what expression will you get from mama and papa if it finally turns out too far from their expectation (wish it won't happen, wish god pours me with thousands of miracles).

Wanna tell you a story, a bit horror yet thriller. Promise! You would never find this in any other box office but here, they called the title as Life as Medical Student

Thrilled? Ouch--you would never imagine how those thick books oozed out liters of blood.

Feel alarmed? Gosh--you would be in cardiac arrest if you weren't careful

Among the spooky novels or films I watched, I had never known such things until then I was trapped into  this situation as a med-student.

First of all you need to know is your life would be completely different, distinct, from what usual people have. Be ready to say goodbye to hung out everyday in cafe or what you call that, prepare your heart to experience the most dynamic u-turn, or what you call that, don't ever compare to your own experience riding roller-coaster, because falling from roller-coaster will be painful and you might die, but falling from this journey you would feel confused, it's damn painful in the same way you would feel out of mind, and you never know you would experience sudden death because of frustration or crushed by truck (it could happen because even if you finish your day, all the matters will be packed fully in your way back home)

Second of all, if you are getting here just for earning cool title as doctor or piping your fad, I would happily say you completely OUT! OUT! you know OUT! man without passion? OUT! It's not a kidding you crazy! Because remained alive until the end of the story is already so great, because many people say they are misplaced, because half of them regret, but if you sincerely getting here at least for the sake of your dream, you would be happy, because those devastating things make you one step closer to reach your dream, because your sacrifices end in no waste. 

Third of all, you need to be self-conscious. How bad you craved for being a doctor, how much you cried as much as you want to be a doctor, please sit down calmly, reflect your self! What your goal for being a doctor? Do you think it's possible? How great is your score? How hard your parents would work to pay the fee? Think carefully, put aside your emotion, face the reality, being rational! With that, you wouldn't be disappointed, with that you wouldn't be hurt.

If you are a long-life learner, so you would be a good doctor...

If you are capable of sacrificing your life, so you would be a good doctor...

If you would spend your life as a sleep-deprived or underpaid slave, so you would be a good doctor...

Fighting! 

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

-Art Williams-

 

Regards,

Happy birthday, gorgeous!

Happy blessed birthday

To a certain extend, I want to believe about miracle. It may happen, even if I am not sure of when and how, but I hope that we would meet upon a certain kind of miracle.

I wish that soon I'll be able too see you in face...

Happy birthday, don't catch cold

Langit hanya sedikit mendung, tak sampai gelap, tak sampai membuat penat. Awan hanya sedikit bergumpal-gumpal tebal, mungkin mereka rindu satu dengan yang lainnya, mungkin mereka hanya ingin memeluk erat yang lainnya, untuk nantinya kembali berjalan sendiri-sendiri sesuai arah angin, sesuai titah tuhannya.

Cendana berayun-ayun di bawah dahan pohon yang semoga saja tak rapuh, bernyanyi dalam hatinya, lagu lembut, dendang yang menggambarkan hatinya.

Kamu tahu? Gadis itu memandang ujung kakinya, yang dulu tak sebesar sekarang, yang dulu hanya seperti gigi-gigi kelinci. Apa yang dia pikirkan? Angin yang terdengar ditelinganya mendengus dengan nada yang berbeda, mungkin karena irama disektirnya juga telah berubah.

Perubahan. Keajaiban yang paling ditunggu oleh manusia adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu dinanti, perubahan...

Dalam kata lain, keajaiban yang paling menakutkan adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu menyimpan misteri, perubahan...

Ketika daun-daun kuning itu tak sengaja berguguran, tak sengaja pula ranting-ranting itu menjadi tak berpakaian. Kemudian kita ranting-ranting itu rindu tempatnya berpijak, pohon-pohon besar itu akan menjadi sendirian. Perubahan, bersama menjadi sendiri.

"...terkadang aku tak mengenankan jingga menjadi gelap, tak setiap kali aku suka musim panas menjadi beku, tapi aku bukan pemilik semesta ini, aku tak mampu mengurai panjang senja hingga tak terhingga, aku hanya mampu memandangnya dan menikmatinya jika aku suka, karena aku bukan pemilik semesta ini..."

"How are you doing, my classmates, my schoolmates?"

Senior High School Graduation Ceremony - May 2014

We have moved on to our own adventure, each of us, with different pathways, with different emotions, but I hope still with the same longing for one another. We are trying to embrace whatever comes in sight, and I wish the feeling when we meet eyes-on-eyes will still be wonderful as if we met for the first time years ago. I don't know when the time flew so fast and now it's already six months we walked on separate ways. How did it all go so fast? It's like only yesterday we had a farewell party, saying our own vows. I can't help looking back, how those days spent with you were all so damn beautiful.

We started our journey together as a children, but we were saying goodbye as half-adult...

My favorite quote from popular movie Harry Potter is that saying from Albus Dumbledore: "to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting." Because no matter where we go or what we do, there are challenges waiting for us, the only thing we have to note in mind is to meet those challenges with our head held high and our heart widely opened. And we must to remember this more that taking a challenge isn't enough to get a life, what makes our world moves forward is trying to excel everything we do.

We may not have the power to be an excellent among all people, but we do have the power to try to achieve our own level of excellence. 

Those were things I learned for the short 3 years ago.

There are people who wasn't just being a teacher to explain or demonstrate, but they inspired me much...

Di sela hujan yang sesekali datang, raut wajahmu tak pernah usai tergambar di atas embun-embun yang singgah. Tak kenal pagi atau bahkan ketika senja menghadang, walaupun aku telah mencoba untuk berkali mengusapnya, garis binar yang dulu selalu aku lihat kembali datang. Aku mungkin rindu, aku mungkin telah mulai merindukanmu, lagi, di musim hujan seperti musim lalu...

Begitu dalamnya aku telah mencoba menutup garis matamu, semua yang telah terlalui, telah aku coba untuk menguburnya dalam-dalam, tapi entah angin apa yang menerbangkan pasir-pasir itu, tapi entah siapa yang membukanya lagi...

Aku telah lelah menghitung kapan, sejak terakhir kali aku melihatmu yang sesungguhnya, yang bukan hanya bayangan...

Aku telah lelah menghitung kapan, akhirnya mungkin aku akan melihatmu lagi yang sesunggunya, yang bukan hanya bayangan...

I don't want to alarm you, or frighten you. Those who have already declared where to continue your studies to university, campus life is just meant only for those who have tough and strong commitment. Bringing only your 'innocent' dream to be engineer, doctor, economist, or what you call that, I swear that is not enough to keep your head's up. Me, my self, I don't know how to express my feeling, but I am half alive.

For a total 32 lectures consist of biochemistry, anatomy, histology, a slight physiology and genetics, we have to summarize those hundreds of slide and force them in to our head. We learned about a real small things exist in our body, that what the lecturer said. But sometimes I just love to question, aren't they really exist? Fine. Human is just too wonderful to draw the scheme of how each molecule in our body works, so detailly and to be honest so perfectly.

Crazy!

Wanting-not-wanting, I will need to go through this same phase of time for 6 years ahead. Long enough, so long, too long. I could go back and reminisce about the past years, high-school's lovely nights and days, but I think it's more important to focus on where I will be in the future. I should be concentrating on enhancing my futures and being a great example for those who love me and for those who may follow.

 I know I can't really win against these many obstacles, but I am going to fight anyway. I am going to fight to not let the things that matter slip by in the rush of things that don't matter.

It's time to realize that time will never cease to tick.

Time to take everything we need from the world we are given.

Time to take time, for season to change.

And in just no time, We will find our own meaning in life.

In just not time at all.

It has been long yet short weeks.

Long because of all the lectures, the boring reading, and endless bustling over assignments.

Short because I haven't had a chance to count the days but this is already nearly the end of this lecture-term.

source: Rory Gilmore wannabe

Examinations are just two weeks to go and I just realized that my brain was completely knocked-out during every class. For you to believe or not, sitting in a class neatly didn't always mean my fully me was there. Well, I mean the body, indeed was there, but the soul? straying along to who-may-know site.

It's funny how time can play games with us - when we are too overwhelmed with things, time seems to run away from us. I don't know what things made me so lost in thought, or it just my excuse for not understanding the lectures. But along this two weeks, I don't really know where my soul fled away.

But now I am afraid.

I have wasted even a minute of today worrying about how I should set my foot to walk on this path, about whether I should wear a coat or use an umbrella in rain, and whether my effort is working for me.

This path is not easy, indeed. But, I haven't found my comfort zone to ensconce. But life must go on, I can never stop or turn back the time. This life's consequences are somehow my own choice from the very first beginning. 

But please...

I want a break! I want a space to breath! or if those are too much, give me a chance to forget what hesitation is.