Nothing more than a cliche gratitude along the way I could tell you of how much I am so thankful for being a part of your life. From the very beginning of my life and still counting for thousands more of life series…

I wish I am still able to grow a little taller, shoulders–a little wider. Someday, I want to stand in places you always guard me from hot and rains, in a place you always able to hide every horror side of this world and let me feel only the breeze that the storm left, yet never failed to edify and instill me with courage and sincerity.

Papa, I want to be the greatest gift for you that would take all the worries you have in both heart and mind. 

Thank you for being my very lovable first love that would never ever ever break me, yet always mend my uneasy heart.

Thank you for meeting mommy and award me this nice ‘’daughter’’ status for the rest of my life.

Thank you for understanding my every inflexible way of behaving and communicating.

How much should I write my gratitude? How much kilobytes I would spend just for uploading all the nice things I have with you?

like those flying birds, i want to be that bold, just once.

How it feels, the nervous feeling you get, while you are walking closer reaching out to your very own dream? Tell me, because I forget.

Once I thought, dream could be easily changed by time. But I am wrong. The denial from my self keeps getting harder. My heart is wavering even stronger.

God, I have a dream, and my dream is bottled out.

The spirit of my life has been so easy come and easy go lately. Just found this cutie notes among dust under the bed. It was written so innocently almost two years ago, when I believed my life will go right on my own-designed path, even it’s a big no, today. But someday, after re-read these spiritful words, I believe it will.

There must be a reason why god put me here, in a place I never wanted to belong. In a place, I find my heart and mind often in their loneliest time. In place, where it’s hard for me to understand how people think. I am still whispering my dream every day, because I don’t want to die being anonymous.

The thought that my upcoming days will be really tougher empowers me, but it somehow frightens me. I have to realize that soon I have to stand by my own feet. For the upcoming days, I should not only be mourning what I have lost so far.

There will be so much obstacles on all sides, but of course I should be my own hero on every road. Not only encouraging my self to stand and walk but to realize how I have been so fool to fall in the past.

I don't know of what will come in the future. I don’t know my rank. What I know is only how I have to make a living, until the fate comes. I’ll never know what and who will I left behind so exact. I will also don’t know who love me or whom I will love. Life is just a mystery.

We were fated to die, to disappear in the end. But no, I don’t want to lose my name, just as my life will lose eventually. Even with so much desperation, I’ll try to ensure, my name will still remain, whatever it takes. Now I might be anonymous to every one. And that’s the loneliest time of all. But I will prove it wrongs.

sharing this nice speech.

deeply for my loser-mental self, what room does fear have? when future has no limit.

Apakah seseorang mengubahmu menjadi tetesan-tetesan hujan di luar jendela? Siapa yang membuatmu seperti itu? Siapa yang berani menjadikanmu uap-uap embun? Kau sendiri.

Kau yang memilih meninggalkan jejak pada waktu gerimis dulu. Kau yang rela sendiri untuk menjadi embun-embun dibalik jendela, tidak, kau bahkan sekarang menghilang tanpa bekas.

Sebuah puisi dari Elizabeth Browning yang sangat aku suka, tentang bagaimana aku mencintaimu.

Aku sedang mendengarkan perasaan-perasaan indah melalui melodi indah dari tarian jari Yiruma di atas piano, berjudul "Because I Love You".

Karena aku mencintaimu.

Telingaku sudah akrab sekali dengan sepuluh suku kata itu, dua puluh abjad, bermakna hati yang sedang berbunga-bunga atau bahkan hati yang mengapur tersakiti.

Kini rasanya lucu, aku melihat beribu-ribu hati yang meluap-luap hanya untuk mengungkapkan tiga kata yang katanya penuh arti, yang sekarang hanya meninggalkan kesan masa lalu padaku. Sederhana saja, akupun tak bisa menolak untuk tak senyum-senyum sendiri mendengar kata-kata itu yang kemudian membuat wajahmu terbayang jelas di depan mataku.

Senja hadir bersama kelopak rona jingganya, bersama mahkota mega ungu memenuhi ujung-ujung langit barat. Siapa yang bisa menolak hangat seperti ini? Penuh lelah tetapi tak mungkin jika senja ini tak tulus mengantarkan burung-burung bersayap itu pulang ke rumah.

Mengapa senja itu indah?

Aku masih sangat mengingatnya, hari ketika aku merasakannya, perasaan yang luar biasa hingga akupun tak yakin mampu menahannya. Di awal senja, di awal musim hujan, di awal pertemuan lucu itu...

"Kau tidak pulang?" suara itu, aku merasa belum pernah merekamnya. Nada ramahnya itu khas sekali, membawa hangat seketika di tengah hujan yang berusaha keras menakut-nakuti siapapun yang berani menantangnya. Aku juga salah satu yang takut.
Aku menghela napasku perlahan, membalikkan tubuhku hingga bisa melihat kedua matanya yang berkedip, manis sekali.
"Sepertinya hujan tidak akan reda sampai malam nanti, kau akan sampai kapan di situ?" dia membaca gerak mataku yang jelas menanti hujan usai. Tapi sayangnya aku tak terbiasa berbicara dengan seseorang yang tak aku kenal. Bibirku enggan bergerak, walau di dalam hatiku, aku merasa seperti ada banyak katak yang melompat-lompat. Mataku tak mampu lama-lama melihat wajahnya, keadaan yang sangat rumit jika harus aku gambarkan bagaimana berkelebatnya hati dan pikiranku saat itu. Hanya karena sepasang mata itu...

"Kau tak menjawabku?" suaranya kembali menggema disekitarku. Rasanya gemuruh hujan itu jadi membisu seketika gelombang-gelombang longitudinal itu menari menuju gendang telingaku. Hanya ada dua pilihan, menjawabnya dan membiarkan diriku seperti makhluk bisu. Jawab... diam... jawab... diam... jawab atau diam? Ketika aku menjawabnya, dia tidak akan pergi setelah mendengarkan jawabanku, kan? Atau sebaliknya, dia tidak akan begitu saja pergi ketika aku tetap diam, kan?

Aku menghitungnya, setelah tiga kali aku mengedipkan mataku pelan, suaraku melarikan diri menujunya.

"Hujan besar..."

Setelah kata itu selesai kuucapkan, aku tak habis-habisnya menyalahkan diriku. Bagaimana bisa aku menjawab dengan ekspresi wajah seperti itu? Kenapa aku harus menjawab? Kenapa harus kata-kata itu yang keluar, bagaimana tadi suaraku terdengar? Aku pasti sangt ceroboh telah mengatakan kalimat lugu itu.

Dia bergeser, aku pikir mungkin dia ingin pergi saja...
Tapi ternyata dia tertawa dan menempati tempat di sebelahku duduk.

"Aku juga menunggu hujan berhenti..."
Lagi-lagi suaranya membuat jantungku ingin meledak saat itu.

Matanya, seolah berbicara juga mengikuti gerak bibirnya. Bolehkan aku menyentuh bulu matanya? Saat itu tidak terlihat lentik, tapi yang aku lihat, sedikit panjang dan keriting.

Sayang sekali, ketika itu aku tak berani menatapnya. Aku takut. Takut tenggelam dalam dirinya yang menggemaskan. Ya. Ketika itu, dia masih seorang anak laki-laki yang lucu, apa aku boleh mengatakan bahwa tubuhnya gilik? atau gempal? Ah, pokoknya dia terlihat bulat dengan suaranya yang bernada halus.

"Aku kelas 4A, kelas kita bersebelahan kan?"
Suaranya seperti bertanya, tapi sepertinya dia tidak menunggu jawabanku, nadanya mungkin hanya ingin memastikan saja.

Aku memang tidak berniat berkata apapun, tapi awalnya aku juga tidak berniat untuk membuat hatiku kembali beratraksi. Tapi pertanyaannya membuatku sedikit merasa bodoh. Ya tuhan, mengapa aku tidak pernah mengenalnya? atau yang mudah saja-lah, setidaknya seharusnya aku pernah melihatnya kan?

Aku terlalu sibuk menenangkan elektron-elektron yang berlompatan di dalam tubuhku, dia mungkin sibuk menghitung tetesan deras yang lama kelamaan melembut. Tidak ada pembicaraan lain setelah itu, hanya terdengar gemuruh hujan. Aku hanya berani melihat sepatunya yang basah diujungnya, sepatu coklat tanpa tali dengan dua perekat yang berjajar.

Kisah ini sudah aku bawa sepuluh tahun lamanya, entah letaknya di lobus mana otakku, atau mungkin di sebelah mana ruang jantungku, mungkin juga di sela tulang rusuk, entahlah, pertemuan pertama yang sebenarnya terlihat tidak istimewa itu, tanpa percakapan yang panjang, tapi untukku sistem memori dan emosiku mampu menahannya untuk tak pergi.

Awal yang luar biasa...

In what era we are living now? Why I still could see kids under great misfortune?

Hi world. How do you do? Those kids are missing your shine watching them walking to their dreams of better living. Tell their mommy and daddy to at least once remember they have a great and cheerful kids who will replace all the old fighters. They will be this nation's strength, the backbone of the country.

They are kids who long for affections, they are kids who need to strive more, more than others.

Hundreds of kids living with too much threats. One who is so shy to join the others, one who was so brave asking me to shake her hand, one who seems so shy but cute in front of camera, one who likes to fool around, every one was just distinct in my sight. They are around 4 to 11 years old kids from down-and-out families. They are too vulnerable for parents to let them go wandering around without eyes to watch over. Hundreds of kids are threatened to lose their innocent childhood because their environment already so contorted with too much thought of consumerism and sexism. A question, who should be responsible for this disgusting fact? They are seriously a victim of how environment evolves.


Have you ever seen kids wandering around the streets? They beg for money, not only for them to buy candy, not only for them to go playing at internet cafe, they beg because if they don’t, their mom wouldn’t let them sleep inside their house. I witnessed it my self, in that area where the fathers were too busy with their bottles of alcohol and the mothers go out at night to seek clients, the kids have to compete one another to seek money from the streets. I have never believed before, but it’s true, there are also some of kids born without knowing who is the father, because too many guys come to their mother every night

Rather, I am also amazed with how they are all grown twice of their age. With those little hands and toes which just looked like a rabbit's tooth, they could say something like homosexual, sex, alcohol, things that I my self still find it hard to understand. Those innocent face, where are the soul?



 It's like a conservation.

conservation

1. The protection of plants and animals, natural areas, and interesting and important structures and buildings, especially from the damaging effects of human activity.

2. Carefully using valuable natural substances that exist in limited amounts in order to make certain that they will be available for as long a time as possible.
 

I am not really sure of how, but I am sure that place is really protected by some people who have interest on it. Everyone knows a practice of prostitution is running tnere, but no one doing something. People are making sure that place will be available for as long a time as possible just as how we know no one would take blame and responsible for this social disease.

Surely, what I thought when seeing those kids is, they are inside a deadly cycle of life. When later they grow up, they will be no different from what their parents are doing now. They will blame the situation and the fate they are in. 

They actually need someone to take them out.

Suatu saat, aku duduk di bangku kayu yang bersandaran, di pagi yang tidak dingin tapi menyejukkan. Ketika itu, nafasku tidak beraturan, ada yang ingin meledak di dalam dadaku, tapi ternyata itu bukan apa-apa yang serius, aku hanya sedang gugup karena hari itu adalah kompetisi pertamaku. Pantas saha, perempuan kecil berusia sebelas tahun dulu begitu terengah.

Apakah orang-orang terlambat? atau aku yang begitu semangat menyambut kompetisi pertamaku? Di tempat yang tak kukenal itu, aku hanya memberanikan diri untuk bersandar di kursi kayu panjang. Apa yang bisa aku lakukan saat itu? Hanya mengayunkan kaki-kaki ku yang tergantung karena kursi itu terlalu tinggi. Seperti itu hingga aku bosan dan ada bayangan yang aku lihat dekat tempatku bersandar.

Aku mengenalnya, dia laki-laki berbadan gilik yang cerdas, tak heran aku terpesona. Belum sempat aku temukan apa pesonanya, harus bertemu langsung untuk menemukan kesannya.

Dia bukan orang yang pemalu, dia tahu aku memandangnya dengan sedikit rayu dan ketika itu, ketika hanya aku dan dia yang ada di tempat asing itu, yang membuatku tak sanggup berkata, "Kamu suka denganku, ya?".

Aku hanya bisa dengar suara lucunya. Aku tak lihat bentuk ekspresi apa yang dia pasang saat itu, raut apa yang ada di ujung bibirnya, dan pandangan seperti apa yang berteduh di bawah bulu mata lentiknya. Aku hanya mampu tersipu dan membisu.

Rindu ini tentu semakin rindang, tapi tak seperti rimbun daun-daun beringin yang sejuk untuk tempat berteduh. 

Dari cerita masa kecilku, aku tak menyangka akan terus teringat hingga sekarang. Ketika dia telah hilang.

Sosok yang penuh kesan.

Kami memiliki hobi yang sama saat itu. Tak hanya itu, bahkan guru kursus piano kami adalah orang yang sama.

Semoga tempatmu bersemayam nyaman dan hangat, sampai jumpa di kehidupan yang lain. Rasanya benar-benar menyesakkan untuk menyadari bahwa sementara ini aku tak mungkin melihatmu lagi, entah sementara atau selamanya. Sudah lima tahun sejak hari yang tak terduga itu, aku tak ingin mengingat kapan hari pastinya. Inginku, itu tak pernah terjadi.

Counting days to the start of new semester and rewarding my self for a short holiday in a town, 6-hour away from home. In the last week of holiday when it's should be the most hectic days preparing for the next jam, I am carefree-ly away from home and siding at sister's new boarding room. Sorry guys, I care for my serotonin better than everything. Ha-ha...

A night of two sisters who wished to get the meals by delivery had to be ruined to another way because none of us had cash in hands. With sleepy and sluggish body, we didn't even care to prettily design our night attire. 

And...

We drove out with cozy pajama, no cologne, no lotion, no powders, and no shame for being too clumsy among people who dressed beautifully.

Ordering two portion of ramen, two iced-lemon tea, and Sakana (basically a takoyaki with i-forgot-the-name sauce), we tried to once be a shameless girls fooling around only with pajama.

Ebi Furai Ramen

I wanted to describe my 'sinking' ebi furai ramen which was damn so good. Firstly, the main attraction which is the ebi was a bit off. Why? we usually got our ebi tempura with crispy coat, right? But what I got was the sinking ebi tempura in the sea of ramen's soup. Well, the juicy taste of ebi was still there, luckily, but getting my ebi tempura already swamped inside the bowl was just...

But, that wasn't really matter actually since the soup is just so so good. Maybe, that was one of the most delectable ramen's soup I have ever tried. Complete with sliced-leek, nori, and the crunchy of sesame seeds, the dish was really warm for dinner meal. 

Well, that's our dinner, how's yours? 

I am writing this while laying prone facing my sister's laptop, away from home, Semarang, listening to random songs.

The holiday will end really soon, so sad that my leisure time has to end...

How should we struggle upon this society’s disease? Who should take this blame? And why this problem never meets its end?

I was enjoying the night before my exam on the next day, with no other intention, with my half empty head, I sat on a mat, well--just call it a mat, a man around thirty offers me to rent his piece of cloth with something printed on it, like a banner ad. That’s just how people earn money these days, everything can do. He does a business with me over a used banner ad cost five thousands rupiah.

I don’t remember how long exactly I sat there just as how i don’t remember how many persons came either with clapping their hands and singing  or just with hand opened shoving toward me.

First Judgment?

They are beggars, prone to be a thread and they have no shame for being one.

Beggar /ˈbeg.ə r / /-ɚ/ noun
1. A person, typically a homeless one, who lives by asking for money or food.
2. [with adjective] informal A person of a specified type, especially one to be envied or pitied.

Agreeing to what George Orwell wrote in his first book, Down and Out in Paris and London,

“A beggar, looked at realistically, is simply a businessman, getting his living, like other businessmen, in the way that comes to hand. He has not, more than most modern people, sold his honor, he has merely made the mistake of choosing a trade at which it is impossible to grow rich”

If only government could forget about their value, beggar could have been a profession, a progressive one to oblige them paying taxes.

Taking the perspective economically, they are doing very profitable business but little-or-much they cause loss in some way. Beggar is a passive commerce, in one side they get profit but reversely they can’t give anything back, except ensuring those noble act of compassion and generousness will get a payback from god.

If people think that maybe those people are only the victims of poverty, or some would harshly say they come from the incompetence of government, we can’t say it’s not right. They probably will use that excuse when you ask.

They are capable enough to receive the training base on their interest which actually alienate their reason for not giving contribution when in another place we can see how people selling newpapers, being a laborer, or just anything legal for supporting their family.

Despite the fact that beggar is illegal, harming society’s value, or damaging national’s economy in further, beggar problem is like prostitution. No matter how bad we want to settle this case, it’s also hard to answer where will we put those thousands of people. We can’t hide that indeed in another side government also feel burdened. How long will the government’s hand able to bear those people, protect them like how they protect others? 

 

They are beggar, they say that’s the only way to live by funding to fulfill their needs.

Bandung has always been another nice city to stay and long for. Because there won’t be any year without going there, at least once a year, well not really in Bandung, mommy’s mom is abiding in Cimahi, one of the most hectic sub-cities around Bandung.

If you happen to visit Bandung, get your mind and self together to stay away from malls and everything labeled shopping spot, save time to look on one of its peace-inspiring spot around Situ Lembang. You’ll need only an hour and thirteen minutes in traffic (well, if suddenly Bandung goes silent) from Trans Studio Bandung, approximately twenty-five kilometers drive.

Dusun Bambu.

Jl. Kolonel Masturi Km. 11

Situ Lembang, Bandung Barat, Jawa Barat

This would be an ideal place for those who want a release. Its leisurely scenery is soothing for eyes and soul.

Firstly, if you enter from the second and third parking lot you’ll need to ride a car they have provided freely to get onto the main spot. With the thrilling road, going on through hill and slope, this would get you that feel of nature with the signature cold of Lembang.

There are loads of interesting thing you can do in Dusun Bambu. If you adore photography, the up-down flower beds are really photogenic. Besides, the also offer us a cozy place to have family meals at the side of the small lake. If you only want to go snacking, they also have kind of food court called Pasar Khatulistiwa where we could get some light or heavy meals.

 

An interesting concept they have there is the money inside our purse would have no value. Why? Because no matter how much we have, we can’t use it before exchanging them into voucher. Quite a work to walk here and there to exchange our money every time we we want to buy something but it’s kind of cute to see everyone holding a big paper money

People often say enjoying something that you do makes achieving things effortless. It steers you away from worrying so much about where you ranked but rather think about things you get with what you do.

There were 12 stations and I had to finish it in three days. First day before ied, and just yesterday since Tuesday I finished the rest...

Since this is my personal diary, so just get out if you don't want to hear me raging, hollering, or grouching

Listening to Miri Lee's cover of Jessie J's Flashlight, recently like this song too much. I am facing my netbook, slightly depressed.

It's almost a year living my life as a college student, people said I have to grow mature not only older. Some people said they are having the most incredible story during this time, when finally they could break free from home, away from parents and survive on their own. Indeed, it sounded so logical why they said so. Me too, finding this life is so indiscernible now. Why?

I could say I am trapped in a world where people live with their obsession for their future life (whether those who try to pursue their dream becoming a savior of people's life or those who run only for title). I am a complicated girl with too many dreams to pursue, let's say I want to master anything I see people can do. But-- oops! Like I said, I am trapped. 

The bad thing is that, I don't know what I am doing right now. What will I become? What would I able to do later? Those questions, I can't find the answers, yet.

Gosh! I really like studying. Reading books, knowing many things, finding the details, I love that. It shouldn't be hard for me to do what my fellow friends do. Staying in classes, heeding the lecturers, taking notes, those are not that hard because what I am learning now are things that people would be amazed if I tell them, things that people always curious if I don't tell them, things that would make people safe if they know it. 

The hard times come when suddenly there's a voice from the back of my head whispering, "Really, what are you doing right now?"

Simply, all my fellow would answer the exact same thing. 

Sadly, till now, I haven't found the answer. I am not sure of what I am doing.

Indiscernible? Yes.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height.

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

by the back sound of Yiruma's What Beautiful Stars.

One must be frustrated when realizing his chest is overflown by the unfamiliar feeling yet breezy, no?

Life is such a tease, only seeing how you smile something inside me is jumping like a frog between rains. Neurotransmitter? Maybe it's such a thing the book said, induced my seventh cranial nerve to move forming a smile, maybe it's such a thing that make my heart feels at ease. I can't describe it further, how my body reacts on that carbonated smile.

Why carbonated?

Just as how it was described, it's fizzy because it contains bubbles that fill up my chest, giving smarting sensation yet banging, making my rise and fall chest hurt because too much carbon dioxide, but addictive.

Dear the owner of the carbonated smile...

You got me.

I don't know what to call this feeling, it could only be a simple admiration...

World enters a new sequence of dynamic changes, where feminism finds its comeback, where using bra can be counted as restricting woman’s right, well not all, but for some…

Sadly, we keep moving on from bad to worse, to the worst. For a decade, we have fought to give woman legal and reproductive rights, pursuing higher education, topping the trades and professions, and even reversing the beliefs about their social role, not to mention, house-husband is quite popular now.

Dealing with thousand of exasperation and reproaches didn’t make it enough for them to bend. The affluent, educated, liberated women, there, do not feel as free as they want to. Instead of contemplating their apparent frivolous fool, concerning whether the dress would work on them is too much taking place.

Well, thing to concern about woman isn’t more how to take them in politics. Thing to concern now is how to make them domestic and passive…

Women destined to live as a pure existence, could I say an incarnation of angel without wings?

Found a heartrending clips above, it’s an allusion. Where in one side women share their artless affections, on the other side women show no differences from demons.

The idea of feminism little-or-much, has contorted people’s mind and not impossible, their heart. 

Woman is fragile, their heart maybe made out of plastic or glass, they need to be protected, handled with cares, no? 

“yes.” 

I believe most of us will completely say yes.

I never heard them vowing as a monk to be pure and chastity, but doesn’t mean it’s okay to see thousand of babies thrown out in the street. Sad thing to mention, they become heartless?

Demi rasa yang tuhan limpahkan pada semesta, mungkin rindu harus tetap berujung rindu. Agar hangat rasanya, dua orang saling merindu dalam jarak yang tak menentu. Kalaupun aku mampu untuk mengurai seberapa panjang jingga ini akan terbentang, tak pasti juga aku akan menemukanmu, pria manis yang mengisi anganku. Aku tak ingin mencari apalagi berlari menyusuri raut yang kau sisakan untukku tahu tempatmu berada. Aku tak berani menghadap, menatap, walau sekejap, entah apa, tapi aku ragu.

Mungkin tuhan membuatnya jalannya, di mana kita bertemu melalui birama-birama rumit yang kita suka memainkannya menjadi nada manis di ata piano. Mungkin itu juga mengapa, aku tak bisa menjaga dan berpura-pura untuk tidak gugup saat siapapun memainkan piano. Karena rasanya, aku ingin kembali pada saat itu, ketika nyanyian yang paling aku suka adalah raut lembut wajahmu yang bersahaja saat memainkan nada sederhana. Sederhana pun mampu membuatku jatuh berulang kali...

Raut indah malam yang telah larut bersama sedikit resah, aku tak menemukan lelah untuk kemudian menyerah. Bukan tak pernah ku coba, tapi bagaimanapun itu, semua hanya menjadi sia. Ternyata aku masih ingin mengingatmu, di antara hujan yang tengah turun, mungkin salah satunya adalah bias wajahmu.

Sudah lama, kan?

Biasanya kita bertemu lewat pesan singkat yang membuatku hanya senyum-senyum saja...

Entah dari sudut mana ku memandangmu dibalik angin musim semi yang hangat, kau tetap menjadi sosok yang tak pernah ku lupa. Saatnya hujan untuk berhenti meneteskan kasihnya, saatnya langit untuk tersenyum membalut sinar matamu dengan cahaya indahnya, bola mata yang kecoklatan, yang sinarnya tak pernah sirna dari anganku...

Sudah berapa lama? Tepatnya berapa musim semi yang telah terlewati? Sejak jejakmu menjauh dan pergi?

Mungkin aku tak akan lagi mengenalmu, wajah manismu yang dulu, mungkin telah berhias dengan mimpi-mimpimu dengan semua cita yang sebentar lagi kau akan dapatkan. Mungkin kau menjadi jauh lebih tinggi, mungkin saja kita tak akan pernah lagi bisa bersandar bersama, karena kau telah tumbuh menjadi dirimu yang sekarang...

Untuk musim semi yang terlewati, disetiap mahkota bunga yang tertidur panjang selama musim dingin, aku tak pernah lupa untuk merindukanmu. Walau telah tertutup salju ataupun membeku, walau telah terbungkus embun atau rapuh berdebu, aku tak pernah lelah untuk merindukanmu.

Aku ingin selalu mengajakmu berirama, bersama ilalang yang kini dapat bertemu jingga, entah kau mendengarnya atau tidak, aku ingin mengajakmu bercengkerama, lewat kicauan burung yang kembali ceria di bawah mega.

Mungkin tidak bisa?

Mungkin hanya sebatas asa?

Atau mungkin hanya setengah rasa?

Tak apa, jikapun kau tak mampu mendengarku, jikapun kau telah menumpuk ku jauh di bawah masa-masa indahmu kini, selama aku masih mampu melihat jingga, itu artinya kau baik-baik saja.

Kau wajah manis yang muncul di sela jingga, dulu...

Yang membuatku tahu, walaupun mega hanya sekekap berwarna ungu, tapi hangatnya, dapatku rasa sebanyak yang aku mampu...

Walaupun aku tak tahu seberapa jauh jingga ini terurai, tapi jika senja hadir, kau pasti akan baik-baik saja...

Untukmu, rindu yang rindang, seperti teduhnya rimbun ilalang...

"I learn many different values from many people and situations..."

It's by no mere accident or coincidence that we eventually met. At the earlier part of my stay in this new surroundings, I remember so well a heartfelt welcome that was so prevailed with sincerity. Earlier when I haven't had the idea what to call them, they already engaged me as if we are a family. Thank you for showing me how to deal with the adversity that life now seems much more effortless with joy surrounds us.

And today, your many years of hard work have finally paid off. So, move on to your next adventures and embrace whatever comes at you. Congratulations!

In every season that we come, just about everything in between, we would encounter many different emotions. The happy. The Sad. The High. The low, just everything...

New semester started in the beginning of march, back to the repetitive bustle, between books, lab-works, and mid-night cramming. Life is just gonna be this way for some years ahead and that's what I have to realize and aware. 

"Persisting through this adventure isn't only the thing, because it's not something rare."

A new start means a new hope, a new chance to list wishes and revelation.

Fighting!!

"I can't dance, but once my hands meet their comfort dwelling, my fingers will inevitably jiggle to arrange a beautiful melody of my heart..."

piano

a large musical instrument with a row of black and white keys which are pressed to play notes.

"That's how they describe a beautiful existence called piano, a musical instrument."

music

a pattern of sounds made by musical instruments, singing or computers, or a combination of these, intended to give pleasure to people listening to it.

"I like how they write it, to give pleasure to people listening to it."

Once, a long time ago, I have ever thought of how magical people make music. They gave their hearty emotions, joy, sorrow, wrath, even anxiety. They even can turn the most quizzical feeling into an existence called music.

A long time ago, I dreamed of how exciting to be a pianist, living around with every single melody that comes to mind. When there's no words needed, when there's no one to talk to, a piece of music can relieve the inflexible in the heart, making our own ecstasy. Myriads of elation that no one can reach, that's how I fancied of being a girl in front of the piano.

"But now I have come to realize, I have forgotten that beautiful thing behind, that lyrical thing has only become my childhood dream."

Do you know how happy people meet their passion? Maybe, I couldn't say piano is a passion in my life, but it has been one of my diversion, something that I love to do, something i always long for.

A story of how I met my first love sometimes ago, it was all being witnessed with a song by Nikka Costa that I used to play that time, moments when I realize how happy it was to love someone, it was all recorded with a song entitled Moon River, all the stage of my adolescence, I passed it with different refrain. It was even so stirring how I sang my own birthday song.

Tonight, I try to sit back on my piano stool. Playing a bit of an exquisite song, guess it how it feels? I am happy. It's sole feeling smeared throughout my heart. Why? I am not sure but it's how I can feel. I want to keep playing...

What are you doing on holiday? Going abroad? Reunion? or simply being a couch potato? Well, I practically do nothing, just get up in every morning spending my times mostly for watching movies, dramas, reality shows, reading some books I like, or writing fan-fictions. That's enough for killing the time and now I come with this great drama I am watching currently, well not yet finished.

Title:    Gap Dong-i

Genre: Crime, Mystery, Melodrama, Action, Thriller

This drama was broadcasted on tvN, in 2014. Honestly, I wasn't really interested with the synopsis of the story at first, the reason I downloaded and finally watched this drama was all about the cast. Because there's Lee Joon (acted as Ryu Tae Oh) of MBLAQ and Kim Ji Won (acted as Ma Ji Wol) I watched it and hell, I am more into the story line now than the casts. It's too great for a drama...

Gap Dong-i tells us mainly about a criminal investigations about serial killings based on the real Hwaseong Serial Murders. Those series of serial killing were occurred in Hwaseong, South Korea and murdered ten women with a various ages. This crime is also similar with an unsolved serial killing from English, Jack The Ripper, occurred around White chapel district of London in 1888.

The problematic scene started when finally series of incidents occurred in the town which was suspected as a a comeback of Gap Dong. Many speculations pop of whether this is the same Gap Dong who did the vicious killing years ago or this is just a resemblance.

What makes this drama more interesting is the involvement of various interest of every cast to finish the case. Ha Moo Yeom, a detective who holds a grudge to bust the main suspect of the murder because of his wrongly accused father. Oh Maria, a psychiatrist who had experienced in meeting the real Gap Dong face in face in her childhood. Ryu Tae Oh, a psychopath who considers Gap Dong as his god. Ma Ji Wol, a high-schooler and webtoon artist in which her webtoon ends up foretelling the crime.

Currently in my first holiday with 'varsity-student' status. No books, no lab-work's reports, no pre lab-work's assignment, finally I'll let my brain to enjoy how refreshing it is to breath between rain. But the hell I should be aware is that my final score hasn't outed yet! It's still mystery! It's still a puzzle! And to be true, I am living among uncertainty. Not that it really matters so I can't enjoy my holiday to the fullest yet, but you know what expression will you get from mama and papa if it finally turns out too far from their expectation (wish it won't happen, wish god pours me with thousands of miracles).

Wanna tell you a story, a bit horror yet thriller. Promise! You would never find this in any other box office but here, they called the title as Life as Medical Student

Thrilled? Ouch--you would never imagine how those thick books oozed out liters of blood.

Feel alarmed? Gosh--you would be in cardiac arrest if you weren't careful

Among the spooky novels or films I watched, I had never known such things until then I was trapped into  this situation as a med-student.

First of all you need to know is your life would be completely different, distinct, from what usual people have. Be ready to say goodbye to hung out everyday in cafe or what you call that, prepare your heart to experience the most dynamic u-turn, or what you call that, don't ever compare to your own experience riding roller-coaster, because falling from roller-coaster will be painful and you might die, but falling from this journey you would feel confused, it's damn painful in the same way you would feel out of mind, and you never know you would experience sudden death because of frustration or crushed by truck (it could happen because even if you finish your day, all the matters will be packed fully in your way back home)

Second of all, if you are getting here just for earning cool title as doctor or piping your fad, I would happily say you completely OUT! OUT! you know OUT! man without passion? OUT! It's not a kidding you crazy! Because remained alive until the end of the story is already so great, because many people say they are misplaced, because half of them regret, but if you sincerely getting here at least for the sake of your dream, you would be happy, because those devastating things make you one step closer to reach your dream, because your sacrifices end in no waste. 

Third of all, you need to be self-conscious. How bad you craved for being a doctor, how much you cried as much as you want to be a doctor, please sit down calmly, reflect your self! What your goal for being a doctor? Do you think it's possible? How great is your score? How hard your parents would work to pay the fee? Think carefully, put aside your emotion, face the reality, being rational! With that, you wouldn't be disappointed, with that you wouldn't be hurt.

If you are a long-life learner, so you would be a good doctor...

If you are capable of sacrificing your life, so you would be a good doctor...

If you would spend your life as a sleep-deprived or underpaid slave, so you would be a good doctor...

Fighting! 

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

-Art Williams-

 

Regards,

Happy birthday, gorgeous!

Happy blessed birthday

To a certain extend, I want to believe about miracle. It may happen, even if I am not sure of when and how, but I hope that we would meet upon a certain kind of miracle.

I wish that soon I'll be able too see you in face...

Happy birthday, don't catch cold

Langit hanya sedikit mendung, tak sampai gelap, tak sampai membuat penat. Awan hanya sedikit bergumpal-gumpal tebal, mungkin mereka rindu satu dengan yang lainnya, mungkin mereka hanya ingin memeluk erat yang lainnya, untuk nantinya kembali berjalan sendiri-sendiri sesuai arah angin, sesuai titah tuhannya.

Cendana berayun-ayun di bawah dahan pohon yang semoga saja tak rapuh, bernyanyi dalam hatinya, lagu lembut, dendang yang menggambarkan hatinya.

Kamu tahu? Gadis itu memandang ujung kakinya, yang dulu tak sebesar sekarang, yang dulu hanya seperti gigi-gigi kelinci. Apa yang dia pikirkan? Angin yang terdengar ditelinganya mendengus dengan nada yang berbeda, mungkin karena irama disektirnya juga telah berubah.

Perubahan. Keajaiban yang paling ditunggu oleh manusia adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu dinanti, perubahan...

Dalam kata lain, keajaiban yang paling menakutkan adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu menyimpan misteri, perubahan...

Ketika daun-daun kuning itu tak sengaja berguguran, tak sengaja pula ranting-ranting itu menjadi tak berpakaian. Kemudian kita ranting-ranting itu rindu tempatnya berpijak, pohon-pohon besar itu akan menjadi sendirian. Perubahan, bersama menjadi sendiri.

"...terkadang aku tak mengenankan jingga menjadi gelap, tak setiap kali aku suka musim panas menjadi beku, tapi aku bukan pemilik semesta ini, aku tak mampu mengurai panjang senja hingga tak terhingga, aku hanya mampu memandangnya dan menikmatinya jika aku suka, karena aku bukan pemilik semesta ini..."