Currently in my first holiday with 'varsity-student' status. No books, no lab-work's reports, no pre lab-work's assignment, finally I'll let my brain to enjoy how refreshing it is to breath between rain. But the hell I should be aware is that my final score hasn't outed yet! It's still mystery! It's still a puzzle! And to be true, I am living among uncertainty. Not that it really matters so I can't enjoy my holiday to the fullest yet, but you know what expression will you get from mama and papa if it finally turns out too far from their expectation (wish it won't happen, wish god pours me with thousands of miracles).

Wanna tell you a story, a bit horror yet thriller. Promise! You would never find this in any other box office but here, they called the title as Life as Medical Student

Thrilled? Ouch--you would never imagine how those thick books oozed out liters of blood.

Feel alarmed? Gosh--you would be in cardiac arrest if you weren't careful

Among the spooky novels or films I watched, I had never known such things until then I was trapped into  this situation as a med-student.

First of all you need to know is your life would be completely different, distinct, from what usual people have. Be ready to say goodbye to hung out everyday in cafe or what you call that, prepare your heart to experience the most dynamic u-turn, or what you call that, don't ever compare to your own experience riding roller-coaster, because falling from roller-coaster will be painful and you might die, but falling from this journey you would feel confused, it's damn painful in the same way you would feel out of mind, and you never know you would experience sudden death because of frustration or crushed by truck (it could happen because even if you finish your day, all the matters will be packed fully in your way back home)

Second of all, if you are getting here just for earning cool title as doctor or piping your fad, I would happily say you completely OUT! OUT! you know OUT! man without passion? OUT! It's not a kidding you crazy! Because remained alive until the end of the story is already so great, because many people say they are misplaced, because half of them regret, but if you sincerely getting here at least for the sake of your dream, you would be happy, because those devastating things make you one step closer to reach your dream, because your sacrifices end in no waste. 

Third of all, you need to be self-conscious. How bad you craved for being a doctor, how much you cried as much as you want to be a doctor, please sit down calmly, reflect your self! What your goal for being a doctor? Do you think it's possible? How great is your score? How hard your parents would work to pay the fee? Think carefully, put aside your emotion, face the reality, being rational! With that, you wouldn't be disappointed, with that you wouldn't be hurt.

If you are a long-life learner, so you would be a good doctor...

If you are capable of sacrificing your life, so you would be a good doctor...

If you would spend your life as a sleep-deprived or underpaid slave, so you would be a good doctor...

Fighting! 

"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

-Art Williams-

 

Regards,

Happy birthday, gorgeous!

Happy blessed birthday

To a certain extend, I want to believe about miracle. It may happen, even if I am not sure of when and how, but I hope that we would meet upon a certain kind of miracle.

I wish that soon I'll be able too see you in face...

Happy birthday, don't catch cold

Langit hanya sedikit mendung, tak sampai gelap, tak sampai membuat penat. Awan hanya sedikit bergumpal-gumpal tebal, mungkin mereka rindu satu dengan yang lainnya, mungkin mereka hanya ingin memeluk erat yang lainnya, untuk nantinya kembali berjalan sendiri-sendiri sesuai arah angin, sesuai titah tuhannya.

Cendana berayun-ayun di bawah dahan pohon yang semoga saja tak rapuh, bernyanyi dalam hatinya, lagu lembut, dendang yang menggambarkan hatinya.

Kamu tahu? Gadis itu memandang ujung kakinya, yang dulu tak sebesar sekarang, yang dulu hanya seperti gigi-gigi kelinci. Apa yang dia pikirkan? Angin yang terdengar ditelinganya mendengus dengan nada yang berbeda, mungkin karena irama disektirnya juga telah berubah.

Perubahan. Keajaiban yang paling ditunggu oleh manusia adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu dinanti, perubahan...

Dalam kata lain, keajaiban yang paling menakutkan adalah perubahan, akan seperti apa? Akan menjadi bagaimana? Yang selalu menyimpan misteri, perubahan...

Ketika daun-daun kuning itu tak sengaja berguguran, tak sengaja pula ranting-ranting itu menjadi tak berpakaian. Kemudian kita ranting-ranting itu rindu tempatnya berpijak, pohon-pohon besar itu akan menjadi sendirian. Perubahan, bersama menjadi sendiri.

"...terkadang aku tak mengenankan jingga menjadi gelap, tak setiap kali aku suka musim panas menjadi beku, tapi aku bukan pemilik semesta ini, aku tak mampu mengurai panjang senja hingga tak terhingga, aku hanya mampu memandangnya dan menikmatinya jika aku suka, karena aku bukan pemilik semesta ini..."

"How are you doing, my classmates, my schoolmates?"

Senior High School Graduation Ceremony - May 2014

We have moved on to our own adventure, each of us, with different pathways, with different emotions, but I hope still with the same longing for one another. We are trying to embrace whatever comes in sight, and I wish the feeling when we meet eyes-on-eyes will still be wonderful as if we met for the first time years ago. I don't know when the time flew so fast and now it's already six months we walked on separate ways. How did it all go so fast? It's like only yesterday we had a farewell party, saying our own vows. I can't help looking back, how those days spent with you were all so damn beautiful.

We started our journey together as a children, but we were saying goodbye as half-adult...

My favorite quote from popular movie Harry Potter is that saying from Albus Dumbledore: "to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting." Because no matter where we go or what we do, there are challenges waiting for us, the only thing we have to note in mind is to meet those challenges with our head held high and our heart widely opened. And we must to remember this more that taking a challenge isn't enough to get a life, what makes our world moves forward is trying to excel everything we do.

We may not have the power to be an excellent among all people, but we do have the power to try to achieve our own level of excellence. 

Those were things I learned for the short 3 years ago.

There are people who wasn't just being a teacher to explain or demonstrate, but they inspired me much...

Di sela hujan yang sesekali datang, raut wajahmu tak pernah usai tergambar di atas embun-embun yang singgah. Tak kenal pagi atau bahkan ketika senja menghadang, walaupun aku telah mencoba untuk berkali mengusapnya, garis binar yang dulu selalu aku lihat kembali datang. Aku mungkin rindu, aku mungkin telah mulai merindukanmu, lagi, di musim hujan seperti musim lalu...

Begitu dalamnya aku telah mencoba menutup garis matamu, semua yang telah terlalui, telah aku coba untuk menguburnya dalam-dalam, tapi entah angin apa yang menerbangkan pasir-pasir itu, tapi entah siapa yang membukanya lagi...

Aku telah lelah menghitung kapan, sejak terakhir kali aku melihatmu yang sesungguhnya, yang bukan hanya bayangan...

Aku telah lelah menghitung kapan, akhirnya mungkin aku akan melihatmu lagi yang sesunggunya, yang bukan hanya bayangan...

I don't want to alarm you, or frighten you. Those who have already declared where to continue your studies to university, campus life is just meant only for those who have tough and strong commitment. Bringing only your 'innocent' dream to be engineer, doctor, economist, or what you call that, I swear that is not enough to keep your head's up. Me, my self, I don't know how to express my feeling, but I am half alive.

For a total 32 lectures consist of biochemistry, anatomy, histology, a slight physiology and genetics, we have to summarize those hundreds of slide and force them in to our head. We learned about a real small things exist in our body, that what the lecturer said. But sometimes I just love to question, aren't they really exist? Fine. Human is just too wonderful to draw the scheme of how each molecule in our body works, so detailly and to be honest so perfectly.

Crazy!

Wanting-not-wanting, I will need to go through this same phase of time for 6 years ahead. Long enough, so long, too long. I could go back and reminisce about the past years, high-school's lovely nights and days, but I think it's more important to focus on where I will be in the future. I should be concentrating on enhancing my futures and being a great example for those who love me and for those who may follow.

 I know I can't really win against these many obstacles, but I am going to fight anyway. I am going to fight to not let the things that matter slip by in the rush of things that don't matter.

It's time to realize that time will never cease to tick.

Time to take everything we need from the world we are given.

Time to take time, for season to change.

And in just no time, We will find our own meaning in life.

In just not time at all.

It has been long yet short weeks.

Long because of all the lectures, the boring reading, and endless bustling over assignments.

Short because I haven't had a chance to count the days but this is already nearly the end of this lecture-term.

source: Rory Gilmore wannabe

Examinations are just two weeks to go and I just realized that my brain was completely knocked-out during every class. For you to believe or not, sitting in a class neatly didn't always mean my fully me was there. Well, I mean the body, indeed was there, but the soul? straying along to who-may-know site.

It's funny how time can play games with us - when we are too overwhelmed with things, time seems to run away from us. I don't know what things made me so lost in thought, or it just my excuse for not understanding the lectures. But along this two weeks, I don't really know where my soul fled away.

But now I am afraid.

I have wasted even a minute of today worrying about how I should set my foot to walk on this path, about whether I should wear a coat or use an umbrella in rain, and whether my effort is working for me.

This path is not easy, indeed. But, I haven't found my comfort zone to ensconce. But life must go on, I can never stop or turn back the time. This life's consequences are somehow my own choice from the very first beginning. 

But please...

I want a break! I want a space to breath! or if those are too much, give me a chance to forget what hesitation is.

This has been a hectic week -- sort of essays, reviews, and all things dealing with new student orientation. For the first time in a long life, I have finally had the opportunity to feel such a feeling where time seems rushing me, and this has been giving me a reflection about what is going to come next as a med-student. About time, how it flies so fast, about how there won't be any enough of it. About new surroundings, the people whom I'll share my future and days together. I feel like I just graduated yesterday, and now I am a complete and official med-student.

The question then will arise, how I'll fight against lives which I'll meet up everyday? How can I get some measure to control? Between tests and quizzes, projects and lab reports, bloody big and thick books. Weeks and months will just flash that way.

Heck!

I am not an alien. I don't have any USB's slot inside my head. My brain just perfectly work like how it should be. Forgetting when things were too old or boring, sleepy when it says 8 PM already, dizzy when everything bump into me continuously, and of course always hungry when comes time to eat.

In just no time at all, I wishfully hope that I'll graduate, and be sent out into the world to find my own meaning of life.

Fighting!

Saying goodbye and rushing back to school days. Finally, I'll meet up with brand new surroundings in my new school, no, that's university to be true. These past days have been quite busy with the orientation tasks. Writing a personal essay about my self starting from the past and my future dreams makes my brain turning around here and there, and in the end it just resulted a messed-up and scattered idea. I'll try to post it later, well that's kinda embarrassing, showing off how I am so bad at writing down an idea.

My sister also started to move out to her boarding house, well finally after 12 years we always went to the same school, and these past 2 years we were in a same class, we decided to go on our own way to pursue what we have dreamed. She will continue her study in industrial engineering while I take major in medicine. We are completely having different vision of our future.

As a varsity student, I don't think I can just sit still and sleep soundly like what I have always done in the past. I mean, how stressful I was in high school when I need to join competition, followed a training, and doing my exams, I could still sleep at least 6 hours a day. But looking at how typical med-students run their lives, I should make sure that I am prepared to even let my eyes opened for a night and a day. Seeing so many thick books I'll need to master and how there will be more challenging thing, I don't think I can have a time to scroll on my twitter's timeline.

However, those are how successful man did in their past, right? Rather than quitting, I think the most possible fact is to conquer and strive more.I have my goals and indeed need to deal with the determination to make it real.

Fighting for you guys! Those who never stop cycling the bike will never stop and fall. Just make sure, you direct the wheels in a right way :)